 From A Walk To Remember Landon: Can you find this star, right here? Jamie: Sure. So why am I looking for this star? Landon: Because I had it named for you. See? It's official. It's from the International Star Registry. Jamie: This is wonderful... I love you. 
Tina/poet/friend/singer/writer/
reader/dreamer/shopaholic/stargazer
dancer/singer/crazy/cool/
complicated/lover/nocturnal/
sweet/nanny(to my
nephew and niece...sometimes)
listener/mallrat/sensual/
coffeeholic/brat August 2002 September 2002 November 2002 December 2002 January 2003 April 2003 June 2003 March 2004 May 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 December 2005 September 2006 Joseph Fiennes In Indonesia Etched In My Heart Yummy Cook-out In Fabby Little Italy Strawberry Banana Split Mcflurry A Letter To My Boo Passive Or Active?" Puddle Sometimes You Just Know Just To Sometimes Be Hugged...Err..Just To Be Hugged Sometimes (lol!) To Speak Thy Name Wanna-be Photographer The Trees Series From Deep Within Shy Babies My Inspiration Cleng Crissy Demented Vixen Ederic Fides Irene Joanne Lilacstardust Maan Mano Marc Markie Milei Mylene Sarah Peloy Philippine Blog Awards S3cr3tiv3 Trisha Vikkicar  
 
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Monday, January 17, 2005 My Inspiration Waiting for a ride, I could't help but look at the sky as the sun was setting. Over the horizon, I could already see the crescent moon amidst the pink-blue sky. Then contentment washed over me. What could be the reason? What could it be? Could it be someone? And could that someone be you? ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ As I was inside the vehicle, passing by the store and the houses and the banks around, I saw long lines of people beneath the ATM machines. A psrt of me felt envious that those people were in line to get their salary. I miss the time when I would excitedly check the ATM near our office building in Makati. And then I'd treat myself to a javanilla. No wonder I gained so much weight at that time. There's also a Mcdonald's in the same building where Seattle's Best is. Anyway, the envy faded soon. It just occurred to me that their money would just probably go to their debts/bills etc. It would only pass their fingers. Also, I realized one very important thing: yes I don't have a salary ( or not as much) to withdraw from an ATM machine but I do have one thing these people don't have... YOU. Suddenly, I could not complain. I just sat there in wonder...amazed. How blessed can one get? I didn't just withdraw you from a machine.It wasn't just a matter of pressing 4 to 6 buttons and waiting for you to be dispensed... and only to go to somebody else's palm later on. What we have , instead, is something built for mroe or less a year. THings came between us...tears, trials, brokenhearts. And I was scared of fully trusting. One moment we were there, the next we were having less and less time for each other. And slowly, I erased messages on my phone, not daring to look back but quite scared to look forward. But I did. I let myself out into a throng of different faces, each with different plans. And many times my trust and heart were broken by empty words and promises. A few sweet nothings and I lay all cards on the table...when I was so wary of you. And you were thrown into the same things: relationship issues, family concerns, etc. It was the right emotion, but the timing was wrong. So let go I did. Slowly, I eased myself into letting go of the things that you've said, the hopes that were already built somehow. And that was when the wandering started. What was it like without you? I almost dread to remember the sordid details. They still hurt...and I can't promise I have totally forgotten. But I no longer want to cry for the things that didn't come to be. I no longer want to be sad, and hurt. I want to be happy for whoever broke my heart because even with the pain I feel, I care for him and I cannot be self-centered and selfish anymore....or to carry hope of something that clearly cannot be. Things have changed but it doesn't mean I have to be bitter. This isn't just about me... it is about him, and her....and you. Yes, it is about you. And I cannot and will try my best not to hurt you...because I know how painful and ugly things can get. I just want things to be alright. I let you go once because of my fears... and it is crazy because you could be the one. Maybe, among all those I have trusted , you are the one who deserves to be trusted the most. And I wouldn't know that unless I give it a try. I want to focus on one thing alone right now: that God, in His infinite goodness, has a reason for every pain. And sometimes, in every separation is a reunion. The moments in between could be the preparation, the polishing of every jagged edge, the healing would, then forgiveness would set in. And then the pieces would fit and eventually lock together. I cannot say that right now that the mold is perfect, but I am in the healing process. We both are. Even so, I know the fit has been made. Thanks for being there for me. |