 From A Walk To Remember Landon: Can you find this star, right here? Jamie: Sure. So why am I looking for this star? Landon: Because I had it named for you. See? It's official. It's from the International Star Registry. Jamie: This is wonderful... I love you. 
Tina/poet/friend/singer/writer/
reader/dreamer/shopaholic/stargazer
dancer/singer/crazy/cool/
complicated/lover/nocturnal/
sweet/nanny(to my
nephew and niece...sometimes)
listener/mallrat/sensual/
coffeeholic/brat August 2002 September 2002 November 2002 December 2002 January 2003 April 2003 June 2003 March 2004 May 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 December 2005 September 2006 Joseph Fiennes In Indonesia Etched In My Heart Yummy Cook-out In Fabby Little Italy Strawberry Banana Split Mcflurry A Letter To My Boo Passive Or Active?" Puddle Sometimes You Just Know Just To Sometimes Be Hugged...Err..Just To Be Hugged Sometimes (lol!) To Speak Thy Name Wanna-be Photographer The Trees Series From Deep Within Shy Babies My Inspiration Cleng Crissy Demented Vixen Ederic Fides Irene Joanne Lilacstardust Maan Mano Marc Markie Milei Mylene Sarah Peloy Philippine Blog Awards S3cr3tiv3 Trisha Vikkicar  
 
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Friday, October 08, 2004 Sometimes You Just KnowI start my day thinking and waiting if it will be different from previous days. But a few minutes into it and I realize it has been the same as it was since that seemingly ordinary July day. That day when, amidst my boring life, he came to bring the sunshine in. I have not been the same since. I don't know what it is that he has that makes me feel the way I do. And I can't pinpoint what endeared him to me not because he is devoid of something good to show. On the contrary, he is a gem with many beautiful sides that my heart can't seem to tell for sure which reeled it right in. It is amazing how in his busy world with friends, he manages to still somehow paint my world with different colors. In every smile. In every word. When the sun peeks through the clouds, a vision of him comes right through like a splash ofrainbow colors. When the rain falls on my parade, he gently pulls me close to him and tells me it is alright to just sit for a while. He reminds me that I don't have to always apologize when I just need to take a break for awhile in order to regain the strength I need. Sometimes, though, he and the circumstances surrounding us are the reasons why I cry.Questions come to me and there seems to be no answer.Neither one of us knows the answer to the whys. It is when it hurts knowing I want to understand with what I know, small they maybe, and feeling inadequate in trying to do so. I get this feeling like it is taking me awhile to grow into the bond we have. And at times I feel like giving up for I feel I am weaving sadness and doubt into the friendship we have, something I absolutely do not want for it. But it is proving to be a worse idea to give up on something that has made a meaning of itself. What we have already has a life of its own. I can be jealous, frustrated, disappointed in him and in me. There are days when he seems to be spaced out that I cannot seem to get through him and speaking to myself seems to be a better idea. But he snaps out of whatever reverie he is in after a short while and he comes back better ( I think) and with just the littlest sign, if any of distraught. Things may not be already fixed but he manages to come back. It is there again, that candid sweetmess reminding me that he hasn't really left, he just took a break. Of course, it is not always easy for me to accept when he is gone for days. I worry about him and it bothers me that no matter how I express my concern for him, he seems to be bent in staying in that corner he is in. But day by day I am beginning to accept and understand him.I don't take it personally anymore, at least not as much as before. The way I see it, he is the type of guy that you either hate or love. And there is no way I am hating this guy. I just tell myself I have my own life to live, own tasks to face, own friends and family to spend time with. I try to let him feel that I am not into him that much. I make him feel that we can be in one place at the same time and I won't even be affected by his presence at all. I let him see that my world is bigger than what I feel for him. It should be the case anyway. I couldn't let myself be that in love with someone that I'll make him bigger than my life. Better get that into my head. But oftentimes, I just cannot kid myself. I know for a fact I carry this hope in me that when he sits down for a moment I will cross his mind and he'll see someone who has something going on for her. Who is capable of doing so many things...just as how I see him. That is why I am trying to become better. He inspires me. I don't know how he does it and I hope this doesn't get into his head but he has managed to be special enough for me to see him as a part of my life. He may not be bigger than my life but he brings something good in it anyway and he is already a part of it. No ifs and buts about it. Tomorrow is another day to face. I don't have a perfect clue as to what it will be like except for one thing...that I love him. I don't regret orfeel bad that I already know this for sure because it is like having a glimpse of the first day of the rest of my life. I feel in my heart I will always be loving him and that's where it becomes beautiful for me. The rest will just be like a high but leveled plateu. I can get married someday, be a millionaire, be fulfilled to the core. But he will always be the highest point of it all. Time may come when what I feel may evolve into a different kind than the love I have for him right now but it will never be less special. And I won't grow tired of him because the more I love him the more I discover what I am good at and what I can improve on. And the more I get to know and see him too. I believe that each day he will be bringing with him a different color to brighten my life. He will always have a new and yet pleasantly familar way of holding my heart in his hands. Everyday a different charm in his smile. Always having a balance of sweetness and candor that renews itself everyday. He doesn't even have to try. I will be falling in love with him all over again as the sun shines over the horizon... just like the first time. And someday, even if poetry refuses to rhyme and even if my mind begins looking for a reason that my heart does not need, I will still love him. |