 From A Walk To Remember Landon: Can you find this star, right here? Jamie: Sure. So why am I looking for this star? Landon: Because I had it named for you. See? It's official. It's from the International Star Registry. Jamie: This is wonderful... I love you. 
Tina/poet/friend/singer/writer/
reader/dreamer/shopaholic/stargazer
dancer/singer/crazy/cool/
complicated/lover/nocturnal/
sweet/nanny(to my
nephew and niece...sometimes)
listener/mallrat/sensual/
coffeeholic/brat August 2002 September 2002 November 2002 December 2002 January 2003 April 2003 June 2003 March 2004 May 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 December 2005 September 2006 Joseph Fiennes In Indonesia Etched In My Heart Yummy Cook-out In Fabby Little Italy Strawberry Banana Split Mcflurry A Letter To My Boo Passive Or Active?" Puddle Sometimes You Just Know Just To Sometimes Be Hugged...Err..Just To Be Hugged Sometimes (lol!) To Speak Thy Name Wanna-be Photographer The Trees Series From Deep Within Shy Babies My Inspiration Cleng Crissy Demented Vixen Ederic Fides Irene Joanne Lilacstardust Maan Mano Marc Markie Milei Mylene Sarah Peloy Philippine Blog Awards S3cr3tiv3 Trisha Vikkicar  
 
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Monday, September 27, 2004 PUDDLE( will you even get to read this?) I was eating my lunch of skyflakes and luncheon meat (blech!) just minutes ago and this message comes thru YM and my cellphone: " Dont leave PLEASE. That much i know i WANT and NEED." Uh oh...tears welling up! Reminds me of how good and at the same time difficult life can be. I mean, the struggle to keep things right and I don't think I am doing it well. There is the battle to lose weight (well , I already have lost some but it is still ongoing) and eventually feel good about myself. Skyflakes is not exactly "fun" but I have to take it for all the times I just indulged and wallowed myself in things not healthy for me. And then, there you are as well. I care for you tremendously and I just wanna be happy for you and I love your ways , but they also tear me up inside. And I feel , if I love you and what you do there must be no ifs and buts about it. I know I cannot expect you to give yourself to me and me alone when there are a number of people out there who needs to be as blessed as I am. And the guilt of wanting you all to myself eats me up. I cannot hold you as tight I do.I don't want you to suffocate. I want you to breathe. I want you to fly. So, the thought of leaving has occurred to me a number of times. I didn't even want to say it... like I would just slowly and quietky ease out of your life. But then I also think, I owe it to you and to the friendship to do it properly. Saying goodbye,I surmised, is for my own good as well as yours. If I will be selfish in loving you, is that even love? And where is the glory in getting what I want if the other person is being held back? So I told you as it is...that my strength to stay in your life is failing me. I wouldn't want to think of understanding it as work, because it isn't. But it does get to be difficult at times. I absolutely didn't know how you would react, if you would even react at all. I took the leap, anyway. I just knew it would be worth it if it will make things alright.Since when did I care about doing the right thing? I don't know when, really. I just know I care. Then your text messages came. Was that you pleading? I dunno. The words melted me, anyway. But as I said in reply, I guess I am not TOTALLY leaving but I do need to keep my emotions in check. I need time....and I need for you to understand. Somehow, I think you do.Thanks. In hindsight, I don't think I can really leave you and the good friendship we have inspite of me , you, and everything surrounding us. It is just a matter of tweaking some areas that need it. :) And oh, I already told you of your missent text message, right? It was supposed to be for a common friend of ours. Geesh, you just had to squeeze that "mistake" in and make me smile. And then when I told you about it you gave me this reply " =S " which as I told I didn't understand. Silly you! But then, so am I. |