 From A Walk To Remember Landon: Can you find this star, right here? Jamie: Sure. So why am I looking for this star? Landon: Because I had it named for you. See? It's official. It's from the International Star Registry. Jamie: This is wonderful... I love you. 
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dancer/singer/crazy/cool/
complicated/lover/nocturnal/
sweet/nanny(to my
nephew and niece...sometimes)
listener/mallrat/sensual/
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Sunday, September 26, 2004 PASSIVE OR ACTIVE?There are two different ways to love, either you are active or passive about it. Past experiences (and present) tell me for sure I am more of the active one. I have to be able to let it all out there and have the world know. I don't hold myself back from loving if there is something to give. But I am learning that perhaps I must learn to love passively. Honestly, I don't know how to deal with keeping my feelings inside because I do wear my heart on my sleeves. You will just know when I am so into someone. But it does suck, at times. The next thing I know my feelings already has a life of its own. It stays awake at night even when I need to sleep. It just keeps on ballooning and sometimes it is just way in my face and I’m in way over my head coz of his feeling. Whereas if I will be passive in loving, I will just be here and probably happy (?) just to see him smile. He can be charming the pants off anyone ( literally?) and I would be the contented and ever supportive ally to him. I would be loving him quietly in one corner without yearning for something in return. I just think that perhaps the more I give and et my love put there, the bigger the need for me to be loved back the way I want to be loved. I always tell myself I must not expect anything in return and I lie awake for most parts of every night convincing myself it is the right thing but whom am I kidding? It damn f*cking hurts. So I don’t know, yeah, I guess I would just give this passive kind of loving a try. So not me, I tell you. I might develop withdrawal symptoms from holding myself back and loving meekly. Imagine, no poems, no love songs, no text, no mushy expressions of love…. nada! For once I would be loving sanely, my feet planted firmly on the ground, no need to snap me out of reverie and daydreaming. But what is love if not sweet and exhilarating? What would be the sense in loving if one is holding back? Uh oh…. can I manage this challenge I put myself in? Passive… ugh! Really so not me. |